Boring · Ramblings.

If you are too lazy to read the article linked above, a brief summary: this is a rhythm game for the Nintendo DS, from the makers of Gitaroo Man. In it, by assorted abuses of your touchscreen, you guide a group of Japanese male cheerleaders (Ouendan) in aiding people in their daily lives through a combination of music, choreographed motions, and burning Japanese spirit. It's harder than it sounds.

The basic setup for each stage has a brief animation showing how the person you are assisting came to cry for your presence, at which point your cheer squad, possessing remarkable teleportation capabilities, is revealed to be somewhere just off-screen. Some noteworthy stages: travel back in time and help Cleopatra lose some weight, whip her slaves into building her a shining pyramid, and win Marc Antony's heart; assist a concert violinist overcome the effects of food poisoning in the subway on his way to his performance; cheer on a pair of policemen as they fight off robot hordes from space; inspire a racehorse to help capture a robber riding a motorcycle and fleeing through the city.

The actual gameplay requires you to wield your stylus with care as you tap, slide, and spin points on screen in time to the music to increase basic levels in an ever-shrinking bar. For someone with big hands, this is more difficult than you would initially expect, due to things moving fast enough that your hand covering half the screen can seriously delay your realization of where you need to tap next.

If I had one complaint about it, it would be that it's hard enough that I cannot take my eyes off the lower screen's action to watch the hilarious animations on the upper screen - and this is mitigated by the ability to watch your performance once you complete the level.

Level of Japanese language proficiency required: not a hell of a lot. Being semi-literate (I estimate that I understand somewhere around 70% of it with my subpar comprehension) will help your enjoyment of the game, because the set-ups are even more ridiculous than they look, but it's certainly not required if you're just after an entertaining game to occupy your time with.

Also, went to Prague and Budapest over winter break. Was fun. Pictures may show up here, but I doubt it.

The game opens with our protagonist, Dante, chilling in his office, having some pizza. Suddenly, a weird old bald dude walks in, telling him he's invited to a party. Then all hell breaks loose, feral-looking grim reaper clones pop out of nowhere, and you proceed to kill the shit out of them. Then one of them steps on Dante's pizza. As we all know, this is an unforgivable sin, and as a result, baldy must die. So off we go to the freaky demon tower in the middle of the city, where we run around in a distinctly Castlevania fashion, beating the crap out of demons, collecting weapons, abilities, and items, and fighting a large assortment of entertaining and challenging bosses.

The weapons are also quite satisfying, ranging from Dante's sword, Rebellion, to Beowulf, a set of glowing gauntlets and greaves that fills the obligatory slow-but-powerful slot, to Nevan, an electric guitar with the power to control bats, shoot lightning, and defeat your foes with the power of rock. In your ranged slot, you get the standard Ebony and Ivory, which as usual exist in perfect harmony, a lackluster shotgun, a laser cannon, and a big fucking rocket launcher.

Probably the most notable part of the game is style system, which determines which special moves are activated by combinations of the circle button, left stick, and occasionally R1. My favorite is Swordmaster, simply because I delight in killing things with melee, but all of them seem viable, with the possible exception of Royal Guard, which is a bizarre defensive style that I don't really "get". Each style has 3 levels, with increasing levels of power as you work them up.

Next up: Berserk
While I have not played nearly as much of this as DMC3 at this point, playing Guts, everyone's favorite giant sword-toting whirlwind of destruction, and cleaving a bloody swath through all in your path is quite entertaining. The storyline seems to start up at volume 22 of the manga -- the first boss fight is against Zodd on the Hill of Swords, and quite spectacular. I'll probably post a more comprehensive review when I've played more of the game.

As a side note, you are welcome to bow before Goblin Jesus. He sold bizarre mechanics for your sins.

Of course, what with calendar adjustments and all, the actual 6000th anniversary of the world's glorious creation by God himself was in 1997. But don't let that stop you.

I wonder if this has anything to do with the Red Sox being in the world series. End of the world, etc. At least, end of this area of boston.

Thank you, Gamestop, for doing your part to battle gamer stinkiness.